The elusive Benjamins...

The elusive Benjamins…

Ok. So it’s been a while since I did a post. Ya’ll are gonna have to forgive me because work has been crazy busy. Anyway, so the new year started off well. My family was around for the holidays and I had the absolute best time with nieces and nephews and the rest of the family. And then they left and we got down to work and other things sort of took a a backseat. Anyway, I hang out a lot on the social networks during my free time, most times just watching what people are up to and often times, getting amused by them. I noticed a trend, especially on Twitter, where everyone is all about lanes. Everyone is all, “Stay your lane booboo.” “Swerve.” I’ve noted other more colourful things being said but let’s not get into that. I’ve realized that it all comes down to money. As a working woman, I have learnt to appreciate my money. I work very hard for it and play hard too, whenever I please, however I please, because, hey, it’s my money. I have never had the luxury of sitting back and having everything taken care for me. I practically put myself through university. My mother always hammered it into my head that I should not even think about thinking of getting married before getting myself a job. She said a man will be happy to take care of you while he’s courting you but once that deal is sealed and you’re in the box, that changes. Something about having no respect for the woman who sits back and waits to be taken care of. Apparently a man will respect you more if you show you can pull your weight a bit and earn a little bit of your own cash. Even if it’s just a meager amount compared to what he makes. That way he can trust that in case something ever happens to him, his family will be well taken care of by said woman.  I don’t know, maybe I am over-simplifying or I’m over-generalizing, maybe you lads out there can enlighten me…. all I know is what my Mama taught me. And she speaks from experience. Whatever the case, I was brought up to be self-sufficient. Everything I have, I got through my own sweat. And the truth is, there is a sort of primal satisfaction knowing that you worked for what you have. Of course being a self-sufficient a.k.a independent woman comes with it’s own challenges, what with men running away from you like their tails are on fire getting cold feet around you, but then, that’s another story for another day… The tribulations of an independent  modern woman…

This, of course, brings up the huge issue of women and money. LOL. I was chatting with a friend the other day and he says he’s basically disillusioned with relationships because it seems to him that all women are out for in a relationship is money! The gold diggers. And for the longest of time I have despised such women. They have an easy life while the rest of us have to break our backs to scrape up a living. Another friend said we shouldn’t be too hard on them because they work hard too and I was all like Pffffft! Work hard my big ass! big toe! All they do is lie there, let the man do all the work, then they get showered with all sorts of gifts. That is not hard work by my definition. Fortunately, or unfortunately, I still haven’t decided which, I’ve had my mind-set altered just a wee bit recently. I met this really, really loaded guy… (and I don’t mean loaded in the pants. Though, in all honesty, I have no idea if he was loaded in the pants, I never really got to find that out…) When I first met him, the dude had a poor first impression. He’s one of those really rich people with an extremely unfortunate taste in styling. Oh, who am I kidding, he had no style whatsoever. He’d worn one of those stiff blue Savco jeans, a T-Shirt and sports shoes with a sports jacket that had seen better days and one of those dirty-green/brown God papa hats. Now, admittedly, I am just a wee bit of a snob ( ._.) … so when this guy approached me as I was sitting minding my own business, listening to my music, I was just a teensy bit miffed. Anyway, never one to forget the manners my mother (Bless her) so diligently hammered into me, I smiled, welcomed him to the seat across me and proceeded to give him a listening ear. Anyway, long, long story short, the dude was veeeery persistent and pushy and I agreed to have a drink with him. So imagine my surprise when he invited me for said drinks at the Serena hotel. I was like, hold on, HUH??? Oooooook. Alright. No biggie. I meet him on a Friday evening and in the process find out the nigga be rich! Like ridiculously so. He was talking in terms of hundreds of millions and billions! FUCK! And here I was feeling so uppish over my ka-quarter a million salary! Talk about L.A.N.E.S! I was officially put in my place. (Of course the first thing I wondered was, eeeerrr, you have all that money and you choose to dress like that?? Really guys, he was in another pair of  stiff blue jeans, sports shoes, T-shirt and a baseball cap! Again. It’s like it’s a uniform he has to were everyday. I guess it’s all well because then people tend to underestimate him like I did… Still though… *Shaking my head*) Anyway, as the date progressed, I realized this is a man who is used to taking care of his women. At some point he mentions this lady he dated at some point who conned him out of a 100K by lying to him that her dad was dead and they needed to make funeral arrangement bla bla bla… turns out she just wanted some cash to go for a holiday with her other boyfriend in Mombasa! I can’t remember how he found out but then again, that is not the point here… Anyway, this man proceeded to just give me cash! Like, he had this whole bundle of a thousand shilling notes in his pocket and he just whipped it out and started peeling some of those notes for me. He looked at my nails and told me I needed to get a pedicure (My nails are pretty but fragile. Any time I apply nail polish, they start peeling off. It’s like they’re allergic to nail polish or something…. Maybe someone needs to come up with some organic nail polish or herbal nail polish or something… hhhmmm, now there is a business idea. Anyway so because of that, I rarely paint my nails.) then he looked at my hair and said I should probably get my hair done too. At some point I told him I needed to head on home sort out dinner for my siblings and he proceeded to peel off more of those notes for me. He asked the concierge to go deposit the cash in his M-Pesa account then I’d send it to my siblings…that way, I’d stay with him a little longer!! Anyway, the guy literally threw money at me. At some point he offered to buy me a Mercedes C-class! He said he wanted his woman well taken care of. I declined the offer. Told him I am not ready to own a Mercedes just yet so he asks what car I’d want!!! (shaking my head) He proceeded to tell me all about his businesses and basically hinted at his net worth. And I could see from the way he was talking, he wasn’t being all Jang’o about it…you know, bragging nshit…. he was just talking and the details just sorta kept slipping into the conversation. (Or he was bragging but being really, really clever about it and I fell for the shtick… oh, well.) And then just like that, it hit me! Some women are after the money because men make it so bloody easy for them!! I mean, the man was literally cramming money down my throat and I hadn’t even asked for it! (Don’t get me wrong, I love money and frankly I’d rather be crying while rich than laughing while struggling financially. Life has so many problems that I’d rather money not be one of them.)And I kept on wondering why men are always complaining that women are out for money when some of them are so willingly flinging it in our faces? I am not rich, but I’m comfortable. I do not struggle much and I don’t live paycheck to paycheck. I could stand to do a little more proper investments but that neither here nor there. The issue is, not everyone is at the point where I am financially so I understand that another, not so financially stable, woman might have jumped on that bandwagon so fast and milked him dry for as long as it lasted. Or a lazy chic not willing to get off her butt and work might have gone at it hard… I don’t know.

It’s all about the money…. Is it really?

All I know is, men keep whinning about money-minded women when they are the ones who make it soooo easy at times. For me, he was basically proposing an exchange of money for sex. In an exclusive relationship, yes, but still an exchange nonetheless. Oh wait, let’s not forget that this is a married man with children and a damn pretty wife to boot. I’m not ugly but I’m not what would be considered smoking hot either. I’d probably pass for cute… so for a minute there I did wonder what exactly about me was attracting this man when he had such a pretty wife waiting for him at home. It could have been my ass though. I guess. It’s huge. You slap it on Christmas day and it won’t stop shaking until after New Years day… sigh. I have a love-hate relationship with this bottom. It has almost stopped traffic and I have been dumped because of it…. Anyway, I digress. I won’t lie that I didn’t get tempted to just give in and let him do as he wanted. Oh, but I did. In the worst way!! The man drives a Range Rover Evoque for heaven’s sake!! (My poor sedan probably developed low self esteem after being parked next to it!!) and he was literally throwing high-end cars at me and offering to pay my rent nshit… OF COURSE I got tempted! EISH! You’d have to be inhuman not to get tempted. Or filthy rich yourself. Both of which I’m not. For a second there, I had this epiphany. Why not just get with him and get all the money I could from him while it laasted (probably pick up a few contacts from him too) and once I’d had enough, leave him. Shiet, I could probably use some of the money to pay for a first class therapist to help me forget what I did to get that money!! (Or get some high grade weed or something, light it up and forget!) Thank God sanity prevailed.

Anyway, bottom line of all this ranting?

1. Men, stop bitching about women who’re out for money. Some of you literally paint the X on your asses then you start crying foul when some unscrupulous person zooms in on it. Grow up, accept the consequences of your actions like the man you are. Now, this don’t mean that now you become stingy S.O.Bs….. no! Stingy men are a no-no with women, as around. Like this guy I once dated…. SMH, never mind, I’ll tell you that story another time. Just don’t brandish your money about as a weapon to attract a woman then cry about it when she bites.

2. Also, Men, not all women are out to gold-dig. Some of us make our own money and we are proud to carry our own weight and yours too, if need be.

Gimme that.

Gimme that.

3. Good God, I have a new-found respect for women who sleep with men for money. That shit is tough! This man barely touched my thigh and I cringed. Like, visibly cringed enough that he noticed and took away his hand. How do you silence that inner voice of disgust enough to not only allow him to run his hands all over you but to poke your honey pot with his dong, repeatedly, without being high on something?? As it is, I was so embarrassed at the whole situation, I ended up paying the bill for the drinks. Which I could see took him aback for a second…

4. Women, making your own money, no matter how little, will wonderfully boost your self-esteem and self-respect and sense of self-worth which no one can take away from you. Try it and see.

5. If any of y’all ladies want the guy’s number, holla at me! 🙂 You gots ta have a big-ass bottom though…. he seemed really enthralled by that!

The gold-digger's poem..

The gold-digger’s poem..