Today.

Today, May 20th 2014. Total I have felt like crap. I have felt dismissed, like I am some nagging two year old busybody trying to catch you attention when you have more interesting things to do. Today I have felt like shit. Today I have felt like I have been treated like a piece of crap, an inconsequential price of crap. Today I have cried and cried and cried and still I can’t seem to stop crying. Today I have decided that family ain’t all it’s made out to be. Today I have hated myself, felt pity for myself, ridiculed myself because I apparently do not seem to have my life as together as I thought I would at this age. Today I have felt like that dog that came to beg for a bone and instead was kicked away painfully. Today I have come to a decision. Today I am writing this down so that it may serve as an eternal reminder of how it feels to be at the bottom of the barrel… Today I hope that I shall never again feel like this again. I shall never let someone make me feel like this again no matter who they are. Today I have decided to get up and dust myself off and take a step forward. Today I know that I shall fall down again and again and I have prayed to myself that I should never again fall this low. Today I fought the demons inside of me telling me to tuck my tail between my legs, lay down and just die and just for one more day, I have won. Today I write this so that should I ever fall this low, I shall read it and remind myself I have enough strength to get up one more time. Today I am talking to future me and I am saying ‘You are strong.’ Today I am forgetting about everything and dealing with just today. Tomorrow shall take care of myself.

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