Love, Schmove…..

Love. What is it?

I ran into a friend of mine the other day and man, did the woman look happy. Not just happy as in smiling or facial expressions…. No. She looked HAPPY. The kind of happy that makes a person glow. And float on the air or glide around instead of walking like the rest of us. The kind of happy that is almost disgusting….(but only because YOU aren’t the happy one.) They have this look of contentment you can’t help but envy for a minute…. and boy, oh boy, did I envy her. For a minute, of course…. ūüėČ We get down to talking and she reveals the secret of her happiness…. She’s in LOVE! (birds chirps, skies open, angels come down and¬†spontaneously¬†burst into sweet melodies….) Yes, my friends says she is finally done with the dating drama and dramatic men and dramatic relationships and she’s in love. She’s settled. And content. And they’re even thinking of getting married soon. And I’m like “Wow!! Isn’t that a bit too soon? How do you even know this is love?” She looks at me with this knowing (and, might I add, slightly irritating) smile and simply says “When it’s the real thing, you’ll know.” Well, thank you for the very informative insight! I’ll just know? How? Do I even KNOW what love is? And what is ‘Real Love’ anyway? I assume this, then, means that there’s also fake love. Fake love??? That’s a misnomer right there, if you ask me….. But you’re not asking me so, yeah, whatever. I got to thinking (which, quite honestly, is not always a good thing) about some situation my friend landed herself in. She meets this guy, likes him a LOT, finds out guy is married, ditches the guy and moves on. A while later…(this guy is really clever. He let her have some time to calm down and the anger dissipate, then she starts thinking just how much she misses him and if maybe she wasn’t too rash with her decision then, BAM, a guy calls! It’s like guys have ESP or something that tell them when a chic is vulnerable and they strike at that time…. CLEVER¬†BASTARDS...) the guy calls and is all sweet nshit¬†and she ends up agreeing to have coffee with him. He treats her real good and she’s basically beginning to forget this guy’s not-so-single situation. Thankfully, she’s just a wee bit skeptical so later she asks him some stuff…. the conversation goes like… (Yes, I’m paraphrasing. Yes, I got her permission….. *Sticks tongue out rudely*)

She said: I worry that you might break my heart.

He said: The fact that you worry makes it even more exciting. It tells me you are very careful. Hmmmm. It makes it worth waiting.

She said: Can I ask you a difficult question and you answer me honestly.

He said: Of course you can ask…..

She said: What will you do if your wife ever finds out about me?

He said: Introduce you to her….¬†(Ati whaaaat? I laughed so hard at this…. Niqqa, please!)

She said: Are you for real??????  (I KNOW, RIGHT??? RIGHT??)

He said: Do you expect that coz she knows, or gets to know, I will drop you? Haiya, no way. I will introduce you two and let you cope. Unless anyone wants to bail out….. ¬†(OK, here I just didn’t know what to say. My jaw hit the ground, my tongue rolled out, my eyes popped out of their sockets……)

She said: Is this an exclusive thing or do I get to see other guys?

He said: If I had my way in this, it would be me alone but (and I say this shingo upande) you can see other guys. Can I meet them first? Just to assess….. (I have never laughed harder in my life that I did at this point. After, of course, I recovered from my head exploding…. Gad DAMN!!)

She said: You would share me with another man??? (Ehe, jibu swali!……)

He said: No, I don’t want to but I don’t have a choice. It’s your call babe…. (I’m sorry, I could not go beyond this. I just couldn’t. I still can’t. WHAT????)

That¬†shit¬†right there reminded me of this guy I’d met earlier this year. Married guy, confounded me ever so¬†slightly¬†… It was the hormones. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it. I did a post on him, one of the earlier ones…this guy basically told me to my face that I’m his back-up plan. I am quite very certain that I am worth much more than just a back-up! Eish! Anyway, moving on…… My issue with this situation is, this guy is professing his undying love to my friend yet he is willing to SHARE her with another man? After he assesses him and gives approval of course…. *Right now, I’m doing that thing where I pretend my right hand is a gun, I put it to my forehead and pull the damn trigger* Damn! Is that love? What kind of love is that????? What was that about love again? It conquers all?

Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

I heart you….

Back when I used to be less cynical and less disillusioned, that verse used to be one of the most beautiful things I ever read. And so intriguing. What is this thing that bears all, believes all, hope all and endures all things? Beautiful. ūüôā Nowadays, I’m jaded. I’m not sure I believe that anymore. I’ve been single most of my adult life. I can think of a couple of reasons why like I’m just too scared to put myself out there…. I tried once, then twice and I got burnt so bad that I just don’t have the will to try again. Plus my work schedule is weird and I barely have any free time. Whatever free time I have, I spend working out or in my bed sleeping. Plus, it has become my comfort zone. Whenever I think about going out, meeting new people, starting with the whole ‘What are your ¬†hobbies? likes? Dislikes? Bla…bla…blabberty bla.” I get so exhausted. I like how things are now. I get to do what I want, when I want. I do not have to consider someone else’s plans, or feelings or whatever….. pretty selfish, I know. But it works for me for now. But mostly, it’s because I do not really trust in love. Or even believe it exists. I’m not even sure I could¬†recognize¬†love if it rubbed it’s crotch in my face (that’s about as in-your-face as it can get, no?) I was trolling the internet the other day and I came across a blog where this lady write’s letters to her lover’s wife. She’s married, he’s married but she’s been seeing this guy fro over four years now. And the guy is nowhere near leaving his wife for her. and she doesn’t want to leave her husband if the guy is not gonna leave his wife first! So she sees him when she can and she writes letters to the wife and posts them on her blog. Pretty twisted situation. And quite frankly, if that is an example of what love is, then I’m certain I do not want love in my life. I have so many other issues to deal with that I’m not sure I want any other complications…. That being said, I still feel happy when I see other people clearly smitten with each other. I root for them. And then I cross my fingers and hope that nothing goes wrong with their love. Then I run.