Of Back-ups and Just-in-cases

I am a disillusioned girl… Sigh. Recently I met this wonderful guy… He’s hot. He’s got these really muscular thighs…he’s lean, clearly keeps fit… He’s got these mesmerizing lips and dimples that could very well convert a lesbian… Flat tummy, abs that could go for days… Sigh. I’ve been on a rather serious dry spell, excuse my drooling, ahem, my fascination with this very image of a manly man….
Anyway, so it seems like this guy is just as enamored with me as I am him… And we have a couple of date. Just coffee, nothing naughty, I’m still a good girl deep down…. Once we had a wine date… What is that anyway? I haven’t dated for so long, I think they might have invented new things just to confuse me!! A wine date? TF? We sit, we have wine, we go home. Ok. (Picture me with a very confused look right about now)
Anyway, after a couple of dates I realize several things: (I blame the very potent cloud of lust for the fact that it actually took me that long to figure out some things! My bad.) Anyway, I realize:
1. No date ever goes beyond 8.30pm, 9.00pm max.
2. We only talk during the hours between 8am and latest, 9pm.
3. He never has anything to eat during the dates. At most, a cup of coffee or a soda.
4. We never talk, or have a date over the weekends! There’s always an excuse. He has classes, he has work, he has to hung out with the boys… You catch my drift, no?
Anyway, my lust-laden brain finally catches on. I bring up the conversation (rather cleverly, I thought)… He keeps asking me all the time why a fantastic (I swear, those are his words… In reality, I rather have self-esteem issues… I’m a middle child, I’m fat, I have been hurt badly before, yada yada, pick one…) girl like me is single. And why I don’t date… So I ask him what things he looks for in a woman. What qualities would make him like, and want to date, a woman. He proceeds to share his list. This man literally tailor-made his list to highlight the things that I actually like in myself! I’m elated! Almost sunk into my pit of lust again…. Shame, shame… Anyway, he finally asks me what I look for in a man. His reasoning is, I must have a pretty tough list for me to still be single at my age. No, you may not ask my age. You are, however, free to guess. I shall however not indicate whether you’re warm or cold… First thing I mention is I do not do taken men… I do not date married men or men with girlfriends. That is my rule number one. And you’d be surprised how many people that rule has cut out of my life. Yes, you’d be surprised. Anyway, a dude goes quiet then smiles (Oh Lawd, those dimples…) and says “I guess that puts me out of the running.” The running for what??? I wasn’t aware we were having a contest. Oh yes, who’s up for Mayor of Miz Thunderthighs’ thunder thighs? Or was it Governor? Councillor? Oooh, Mayor? ☺ But I digress…
My stupid genitals, uumm, head, finally shakes off the lust. Well, most of it anyway. Of course I do mention other mundane things I’d want in a man but my main question has been answered. Sigh. What a shame. I’d rather pictured myself crawling up and down the guy in several, very creative, ways. And was busy thinking up more ways. Sigh. Stupid, stupid, easily excited nipples! Sigh.
Needless to say, we didn’t see each other much after that. There’s only so much not being a priority to guy that a girl can take… He’ll stand you up on dates, won’t call when he says he will, forgets important things to you, like, for example, your birthday… It doesn’t work. I finally let him know I can’t see him again. The reaction from him caught me off-guard! He was pissed AF!!! And I tell him I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place and that I made a choice that made sense for me… I ask him to put himself in my shoes and see what choice he’d make. He was rather rude with his answer. Long story short, it was over. My lady parts were rather disappointed, I tell you… Anyway, I throw myself into my work, get involved with other things. I start reading novels. I start collecting new music. I start knitting booties and scarves…and with time (just three weeks, but it felt like years!), I’m thinking of him less and less. I try to meet new people. I occasionally get tempted to call him but kaza rasa kiasi…. I’m good. I’m getting there. I don’t know where, but I was getting somewhere.
Last week, BAM! Early in the morning, I’m sleepy as hell and my phone rings and I just pick it up. Total reflex by the way. My sleep-muddled brain thought it was the alarm and I just reached over to snooze and the aforementioned BAM comes in here. It’s him! He’s called! And he’s like all smoky voice and sexy as hell… Sigh. Excuse me while I slap myself…. The gist of the conversation? He’s thought about the whole situation and he’s changed his mind. He wants to see me. He wants to have a date, discuss us, discuss what to do next. Yes, fuck you, I agreed to see him… What can I say? I girl can only hold out so far… Coffee date is agreed on. Time and date is set. I get up and get ready for work. Yada yada… This part really won’t interest you anyway.
Fast forward to the date. We meet at some restaurant in town. Yep, my lady parts confirm he’s still as hot as ever… He’s taller than me and God, every lady should have his smile in their hand bags to brighten up their days!! And those lips…. Sigh. And his thighs. Damn. I have a thing for men’s thighs. There, now you know. Anyway, after talking for a bit I finally ask him what exactly he wants from me. Because, as much as my panties were literally dripping, my brain was still running the show. Thankfully. Now this is where the disillusionment comes in… His answer? Oh, man… This guy straight out tells me he wants to basically have me as his back-up wife! He wants to build a life with me, have a baby, or a couple, with me, make investments with me ..the whole married-people train… Did I mention this guy has barely been married a year? And has no children. He proceeds to rant about how his wife is frustrating him…and all I can think of is, niqqa, you been married a year! What happens once the babies come and she grows fat and there’s no more sex? What then? What will you say then? This guy looks me in the face and says

Lemmie ask you, in case things don’t work out with my wife a couple of years down the line, do you think I am going to starts dating a fresh? Do you think I’m going to start running around chasing campus girls to date? Start a fresh and get married again? No! I want you there for that purpose. I want to start building a life with you now. Start a foundation with you and build us up as we go. Don’t think this is about sex. If it was about sex, I’m sure I’d have had it by now and moved on. I want you in my life and that’s that.

I’m stunned. Like really stunned. Is this what is going on? Is this what I have to look forward to when I get I to a relationship or when I get married? That I (a serial commitment-phobe) am giving my all for this man…making a home for us and building a future while he is out there just a year into our marriage, making such proposals to some other woman? Then, God forbid, he dies and this whole other family shows up at the funeral with demands! Daaaamn. Now I’m disillusioned… Also, if he’s making such a proposal to me, how many other girls has he made such with? How many more will he after he’s had his fill of me and he moves on… Is there any married man out there who can shed some light here? And women, do you have ANY idea what your man is out there doing? Are you gonna get shocked one day like I’ve seen other women shocked? Sigh…. Life is a bitch. Needless to say, I haven’t seen the guy since. And if I was a commitment-phobe before, I don’t know what I am now…